Its been a while since I have wrote and I am sorry. Its not like it matters anyways, I bet in heaven, or wherever you are, you are busy with the family you hadn’t seen in years. Maybe you guys are still celebrating the fact that Aunt Effie Mae finally joined the party.

I don’t know dad, sometimes it gets hard knowing you aren’t here. Knowing you are somewhere else living your new life with your family and you are happy and healthy and you are with your dad again. I hope you told him about us, about the grandkids he never got to meet. 

I turned 21 this month. I didn’t get drunk, I got tipsy. I was tired, I’ve been working a lot. The more I work the more I numb myself and it means I am away from home more during the day so I don’t have to worry about sitting here and remembering and being sad. 

I get sad a lot when I think about you because its hard, 18 months later, it is still so damn hard living without you. Knowing that I wont ever get to hear one of your quick smart ass responses to a stupid question, I wont get to smell that distinct scent of you. Its still hard dealing with it. 

I want you to know dad that I’m dealing with this the best I can but everything reminds me of you. 

Mary found me on facebook today and I just want to tear her apart. She got the Gray stubborness in her.

I don’t know where I am going or what I am doing anymore. I feel so detached from everything and I miss you.

I’m being a little bitch, I’m sorry dad.

<3,

Steph