Tomorrow everyone leaves to go camping. I can’t go since I am working at DSC. It is so weird dad that they are getting everything ready. You used to be the one to do it all. By now, the cars would pretty much be loaded up with the tents and sleeping bags. All that would have to go in tomorrow is the ice chests and luggage. And then we would be hearing you bitch all day today and tomorrow about how much shit we take and how we don’t need to take all of it.

And you would get frustrated and mumbl and all we would hear is “God Damn” this and that…and we would giggle to ourselves.

I miss that dad.

Tomorrow I’ll be in school when they are getting ready to leave, and by the time they leave I will be at work. And the whole time I will try to not cry and I will try to not remember every easter weekend past. Like last year when you got mad because me my mom and susie took so long getting to the camp grounds and left you guys waiting at the front gates. or the year before when the van just stopped on you right in the middle of the 60.

What about that one year you and Solange were playing cards and you told her her face was red like a baboons ass?

There is so much that you are missing. There is still so much that you are going to miss. I don;t know how i am going to deal with it.

As it is, I have been trying to not cry all day and right now I can’t hold it in.

I don’t understand why you had to go. Why did you ahve to get sick? Why did you have to die?

Why dad, why?