When I got home today, they were moving that shelf in the back, the one that had the tightener thing attached to it. You told me what it was called so many times, sorry I forgot. They took out the shelf in the garage, the one you built. I was upset, they didn’t have to, but knowing you, you would say “It is whats best to make room”

I guess I am kind of upset that they wont leave everything the way you had it. Pretty soon everything in your garage will be messed with and nothing will remind me of you. I doubt that will ever be possible though.

They also rewired everything in the garage. The garage door is falling apart. It seems as if lately there has been one thing after another. Its hard on mom because she never had to deal with any of this. It was always you. You always knew what to do, you always had a plan. Now everything is decided on between everyone and we all disagree and there is so many arguments.

I know this isn’t what you wanted, I know you had hope that after you were gone Jr and Shiva would grow up. They haven’t. Your wishes were for my mom to sell the house and for she and I to move to El Paso and say fuck everyone else, but you know my mom can’t do that. And I wish she would.

Dad, I don’t know what to do. It seems as if every five minutes my mom is stressing out over something. Susie is focused on trying to keep my mom up and Jr and Shiva, well you already know how that is.

I feel isolated here dad. I feel like I’m alone. I don’t have anyone I can talk to here about what I’m feeling. I’m still so scared dad. And everytime I want to cry I think of what you told me when you were in the hospital in September. “I can’t talk to none of you bitches because all you do is cry, god damn”

I’m sorry I cry dad..I really am. I can’t help it though. I was strong for you for so long. I was the one who didn’t cry in front of you. The one who was always keeping your spirits up. I was the one you could rely on dad to not be emotional, except for those very few times. I was daddy’s little girl.

Its funny how now that is held against me by Jr and Shiva. When they start on me I always wish you were here so you can tell them to leave me alone. To stop pestering me.

I don’t know anymore. I think that is all I am going to write for today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll write to you again.

I miss you, you old man.

I love you dad. <3